1
00:00:22,973 --> 00:00:25,140
Uh, Jordan, honey,
why aren't you dressed?
2
00:00:25,217 --> 00:00:26,725
I have to take inventory
of all my candy.
3
00:00:26,802 --> 00:00:29,019
Now you just got all
this candy this afternoon,
4
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:31,354
and you've already taken
inventory three times.
5
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:32,981
Father Cronin says
we're responsible
6
00:00:33,058 --> 00:00:34,274
for every bar we take.
7
00:00:34,351 --> 00:00:35,609
Aunt Wanda,
do I have to go
8
00:00:35,685 --> 00:00:37,402
to this movie?
9
00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:38,828
Yes, and you should
be grateful.
10
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,739
Most kids don't get to go
to movie premieres.
11
00:00:40,816 --> 00:00:42,991
Bernie,
can you get Bryana, honey?
12
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,217
It's time to go.
13
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,086
But, I don't even
like Droobie,
14
00:00:46,163 --> 00:00:48,246
and I was supposed to babysit
for the Wexlers.
15
00:00:48,323 --> 00:00:50,174
Well, I'm sure the Wexlers
will understand.
16
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,541
Okay, there you go.
17
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:53,260
Now, put on your jacket.
It's time to go.
18
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,505
What's all this?
19
00:00:56,581 --> 00:00:59,224
We're having a candy drive
to raise money for the school.
20
00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:03,553
Hey, this candy
is for paying customers.
21
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,180
Hands off.
22
00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:08,358
Whatever. I don't even want
any of your stupid candy.
23
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:12,062
Really? See, I
thought stupid candy
is the only kind you ate,
24
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:14,439
and that's why
you're so stupid.
25
00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:15,732
(snickers)
26
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,534
BERNIE:
Excuse me.
27
00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:20,028
Have you all had a chance
28
00:01:20,105 --> 00:01:22,081
to meet this beautiful
little princess?
29
00:01:22,157 --> 00:01:23,990
Oh, my goodness.
30
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,951
Look at you, sweetie.
31
00:01:26,027 --> 00:01:27,828
Let me get a picture.
My teacher says
32
00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:31,081
I can tell the whole class
about the movie tomorrow
33
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,041
because I'm the first
one to see it.
34
00:01:33,118 --> 00:01:34,543
(Bernie chuckles)
35
00:01:34,619 --> 00:01:35,344
Can we leave now?
36
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:36,503
I want to get a good seat.
37
00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:37,796
Okay,
38
00:01:37,873 --> 00:01:38,889
one sec, let me
get a photo.
39
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:43,426
Say "Droobie."
Droobie.
40
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:44,594
Nice.
41
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:45,804
Wow.
42
00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:48,232
America, meet
Droobie.
43
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,475
Droobie, say
hello to America.
44
00:01:50,552 --> 00:01:52,853
See, baby girl
loves Droobie.
45
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,271
She got a Droobie
lunch box,
46
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,605
Droobie
coloring book,
47
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,816
Droobie stickers,
Droobie board game.
48
00:01:57,893 --> 00:02:00,119
She even got Droobie
little drawers.
49
00:02:01,104 --> 00:02:02,696
Look.
50
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:04,906
Trying to
get all shy.
51
00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:06,183
I'm telling
you, America.
52
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,701
Baby girl can't get
enough of Droobie.
53
00:02:07,777 --> 00:02:09,619
That's why role
Uncle Bernie
took the role
54
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,997
of the evil wizard in
the new Droobie movie.
55
00:02:12,073 --> 00:02:13,582
Now, that's not
my normal kind
56
00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:14,866
of movie that I do,
57
00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:17,210
but tonight,
when we go to
that premiere,
58
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:19,296
and I see the smile on
that little girl's face,
59
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,131
it's going to light
up the whole theater.
60
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,891
Am I right, Droob?
61
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,266
America, I don't
care for his
dancing, but..
62
00:02:31,343 --> 00:02:33,944
It grates on me.
63
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,896
Got to be a white
guy in there.
64
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,656
Let's see.
65
00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:40,442
Do the percolator.
66
00:02:40,518 --> 00:02:42,068
James Brown.
67
00:02:42,145 --> 00:02:44,163
Twine Time.
68
00:02:44,239 --> 00:02:45,614
Boogaloo.
69
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:46,573
(laughs)
70
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:47,574
All right.
71
00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:50,252
America, Droobie
might be mixed.
72
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,173
On daddy's side.
73
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,834
(wind howls,
lightning strikes)
74
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,669
Finally. This is the good part.
75
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,430
I get to release
my evil army of warthogs
76
00:03:01,506 --> 00:03:02,797
on Droobie's little village.
77
00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:03,932
Yeah, I know.
78
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,100
I'm watching it, too.
79
00:03:05,177 --> 00:03:06,185
Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,147
Excuse me.
81
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,815
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you
82
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,099
to keep your son
at his seat.
83
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,060
He just went to the restroom.
84
00:03:15,136 --> 00:03:16,269
Actually, ma'am,
he's been going up and down
85
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,521
the aisles trying
to sell candy.
86
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,815
And they're giving it away
because it's a premiere.
87
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,901
How am I supposed to
compete with that?
Shh!
88
00:03:22,978 --> 00:03:24,527
He's been very disruptive.
89
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,863
Sit your little self down.
90
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,199
BERNIE (in movie): Finally,
I will destroy Droobie
and his little village.
91
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,034
(evil laughter)
92
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,118
Once he's out of the way,
93
00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:35,038
there will be no end
to my power.
94
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,633
I shall reign supreme!
95
00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:39,709
(boisterous chuckle)
96
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,127
Can we leave now?
97
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,712
Well, baby girl,
the movie's not over yet.
98
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,381
I don't care.
99
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:45,840
Sweetie, don't you
want to finish your popcorn?
100
00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:47,425
No. I want to go home.
101
00:03:47,502 --> 00:03:48,510
Please?
102
00:03:48,586 --> 00:03:49,678
Shh.
103
00:03:49,754 --> 00:03:51,188
I-I'm sorry.
104
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,390
Baby girl, let's
just stay a little longer.
105
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:55,850
Let's see what happens to
Droobie and his village, okay?
106
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,143
No. I want to go home!
107
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,144
Shh! Shh!
108
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,112
(mutters)
109
00:03:59,189 --> 00:04:01,490
Get your stuff.
Shh!
110
00:04:01,566 --> 00:04:03,450
MAN: I hate that.
WOMAN: Sit down.
111
00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:06,954
WOMAN: Wait.
WOMAN: You're not at home.
112
00:04:08,323 --> 00:04:09,489
(screaming in movie)
113
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,250
Bernie!
114
00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:13,910
I'm coming, babe.
115
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:14,920
I'm coming.
116
00:04:23,288 --> 00:04:25,839
I'll see you then. Thank you.
(phone beeps)
117
00:04:25,915 --> 00:04:26,765
I'm all in your business.
118
00:04:26,842 --> 00:04:28,049
Who was that?
119
00:04:28,126 --> 00:04:29,384
Oh, Mrs. Wexler.
120
00:04:29,461 --> 00:04:31,052
She wants me to baby-sit
again Friday night.
121
00:04:31,129 --> 00:04:33,847
See? I told you
it would work out.
122
00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,765
Yeah.
So, what are you
doing with the money
123
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,767
you're getting
from baby-sitting?
124
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:38,935
Save it, I guess.
125
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,061
How much do you have so far?
126
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,604
$135.
127
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:42,856
That's a nice
chunk of money.
128
00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:44,357
I'm impressed.
129
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:47,411
Well, maybe we should
open up a bank account.
Okay.
130
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,331
Uncle Bernie, did you
take some of my candy?
131
00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:53,241
What you accusing
me of, boy?
132
00:04:53,318 --> 00:04:54,743
You calling
me a crook?
133
00:04:54,819 --> 00:04:56,745
Well, I found this
134
00:04:56,821 --> 00:04:58,455
on your desk.
135
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,332
What are you doing snooping
around my desk for, Jordan?
136
00:05:00,408 --> 00:05:01,791
I like my privacy.
137
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,901
Remember that.
138
00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:04,377
How'd you like me
to come snooping
139
00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:05,962
under your mattress
for your Mademoiselle
140
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,097
magazine you
be reading? Yeah.
141
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,515
Thought nobody
didn't know it, did you?
142
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,092
Look here, boy, I was going
143
00:05:11,169 --> 00:05:12,135
to pay your money.
144
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,012
I just couldn't find you
at the time.
145
00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:15,430
That's it. From now on,
146
00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:17,223
I'm keeping my candy right here
where I can see it.
147
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,308
What you
tripping for, man?
148
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,559
Here, take your
doggone money.
149
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,102
I ain't got to
go through this.
150
00:05:21,179 --> 00:05:23,897
Here. Candy
ain't all that, either.
151
00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:24,865
(clattering)
152
00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,744
Hey, baby girl.
You brush your teeth?
153
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,446
Good.
154
00:05:31,523 --> 00:05:33,907
Come on, let's say our prayers,
and I'll tuck you in.
155
00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:35,575
No. I want Aunt Wanda.
156
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:36,626
What?
157
00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:50,173
She's mad at you
for being mean to Droobie.
158
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,092
That's why we
had to leave.
159
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:54,219
Dang, baby,
it's just a movie.
160
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,096
I know, honey,
161
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:57,722
but sometimes kids
have a problem
162
00:05:57,799 --> 00:06:00,067
trying to figure out
what's real or not.
163
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:03,594
Mwah.
164
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,025
Parenting is hard, America.
165
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,443
But Bernie Mac has it harder.
166
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:11,736
See, you all got it easy.
167
00:06:11,813 --> 00:06:13,446
All you got
to do is watch your language,
168
00:06:13,523 --> 00:06:14,864
make sure the little ones
don't hear you
169
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,376
when you're in the bed
with a little bump and grind.
170
00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:19,536
But I got to worry
about the roles I take.
171
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:20,754
I did this for baby girl,
172
00:06:20,831 --> 00:06:22,539
and now baby girl
won't talk to me.
173
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:25,041
Damn, America, look at me.
174
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,052
I'm suffering for my art.
175
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,893
Hey, baby girl,
176
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:37,938
so what you going
to tell your friends
about the movie, huh?
177
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,723
Baby girl?
178
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,841
(whispering)
179
00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:45,061
It wouldn't be good
for either of us
180
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,396
if I told you what she said.
181
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,314
(whispering)
182
00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:49,774
And if anybody asks her,
183
00:06:49,851 --> 00:06:51,952
she says she's going
to say it was bad.
184
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,532
He already knows that.
185
00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:58,658
What? What-What she say?
186
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:00,702
She's not talking to you.
187
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:01,628
(sighs)
188
00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:04,381
Baby girl.
189
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:07,050
Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Bernie.
190
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,334
You must feel terrible.
191
00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:09,544
I do.
192
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,212
You know what
might cheer you up?
193
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,422
What?
194
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,174
Buying some candy.
195
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,343
Oh, yeah.
196
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:18,470
Here we go.
197
00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:19,888
Full-page ad
of the Droobie movie.
198
00:07:19,964 --> 00:07:21,306
Look at that.
199
00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:23,057
Mm. Look good.
200
00:07:23,134 --> 00:07:24,350
Yup.
201
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:26,436
The studio's really
behind this one, B.
202
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,897
I'm telling you,
it tested through the roof.
203
00:07:28,973 --> 00:07:30,064
I wonder if, uh,
204
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:31,232
Greg's seen this.
205
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,400
Greg who?
206
00:07:32,477 --> 00:07:34,527
What? Greg.
Greg Marshall.
207
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,413
Droobie-- I signed him.
208
00:07:37,732 --> 00:07:38,957
You never told me that.
209
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,459
Yes, I did, dawg.
210
00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:42,577
We had that conversation.
211
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,611
We had that conversat...
212
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:44,871
We had the conversation, Bernie.
213
00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:46,247
Don't you remember the...
No, no.
214
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,524
Three and a half weeks ago.
215
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:48,467
Don't you remember,
when you were shooting,
216
00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:50,710
and I had to cancel lunch
on you?
217
00:07:50,787 --> 00:07:52,212
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I had to cancel lunch
218
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,796
because I had to take lunch
with Greg.
219
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,298
Went to Nobu.
Spent, like, $800.
220
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,341
It was awesome.
221
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:57,309
You canceled lunch?
222
00:07:57,385 --> 00:07:58,343
Wait. Hold on a second.
223
00:07:58,419 --> 00:08:00,136
Hello? Hello?
224
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,571
Hello...? You see, hmm.
225
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,348
I can't... I can't even
get a signal in your place.
226
00:08:03,424 --> 00:08:04,974
This is...
Are your walls made of lead?
227
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,684
Jerry, you got to wear
that thing right now?
228
00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:08,061
I'm trying to talk to you.
229
00:08:08,137 --> 00:08:09,379
Okay, Big Papa. Big Papa?
230
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,648
If I'm not in touch,
then you're not in touch.
231
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:13,274
It's annoying, Jerry.
232
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,943
Hey, so fine.
I'm an annoying guy, okay?
233
00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:17,746
What the hell
were we just talking about?
234
00:08:17,822 --> 00:08:19,864
Jerry.
235
00:08:19,941 --> 00:08:21,616
Can you get Greg
to come over here?
236
00:08:21,693 --> 00:08:23,001
Yes, done. Absolutely.
237
00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:24,285
He loves you. Wait. Hello?
238
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,620
Hello?
239
00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:27,005
Here we go again. Hello?
Jerry.
240
00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:28,414
I can't take this.
241
00:08:28,491 --> 00:08:30,124
It's like living
in Liberace's compound.
242
00:08:30,201 --> 00:08:32,302
Hello?
243
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,503
Hello?
244
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,088
See, if Bryana can see
245
00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:37,182
that Droobie and her
Uncle Bernie are friends,
246
00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,008
then she won't be mad
at me anymore.
247
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,052
So, Droobie will come over
to the house,
248
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:43,555
and the two of us will
pal around like friends do,
249
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:44,973
maybe watch a ball game.
250
00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:47,267
And I can get that little girl
her fantasy back.
251
00:08:47,343 --> 00:08:48,560
(laughs)
252
00:08:48,636 --> 00:08:50,853
It'll all work out nice.
253
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:53,982
Real nice.
254
00:08:54,058 --> 00:08:55,942
Well, children, here are
255
00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:58,653
the latest numbers
on the candy drive.
(chuckles)
256
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,038
Now, as you can see,
257
00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:02,198
some of you have some
catching up to do
258
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,875
if you're going
to win that bike.
259
00:09:07,322 --> 00:09:09,789
(sighs)
260
00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:11,800
♪ Beware of the man ♪
261
00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:15,053
♪ With the candy
in his hand ♪
262
00:09:17,415 --> 00:09:19,257
♪ Beware of the man ♪
263
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:22,510
(door shuts)
♪ With the candy
in his hand ♪
264
00:09:22,587 --> 00:09:23,845
♪ He's hidin' some ♪
265
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,972
♪ He's hidin'
in your neighborhood ♪
266
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:27,181
Oh!
267
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,517
(growling, barking)
268
00:09:29,594 --> 00:09:30,518
(screams)
269
00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:31,352
(barking)
270
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,737
Oh, no!
271
00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:34,981
(barks)
272
00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:36,700
(shouts)
273
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:39,569
♪ Beware of the man ♪
274
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,830
♪ With the candy
in his hand ♪
275
00:09:41,906 --> 00:09:44,365
♪ Beware of the man ♪
276
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,491
♪ With the candy ♪
277
00:09:45,568 --> 00:09:47,836
(dramatic music
playing on TV)
278
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:55,501
This doesn't make any sense.
279
00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:56,886
I'll tell you what
don't make any sense.
280
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,463
Are you watching
this television?
281
00:09:58,539 --> 00:09:59,839
No.
282
00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:01,016
Well, you best
cut it off, baby.
283
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,386
What's going on?
284
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:06,971
I got my bank statements.
285
00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:09,140
Aunt Wanda took me
to open up an account,
286
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:12,060
but now there's $25 less
than when I opened it.
287
00:10:12,136 --> 00:10:13,778
Hmm.
288
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:18,441
Let me see.
289
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,651
Oh.
290
00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:21,361
Okay, free checking.
291
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,820
That costs you $10 right there.
292
00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:24,197
(scoffs)
That's not fair.
293
00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:25,406
Hmm.
294
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:27,283
Let me break it down
like a fraction.
295
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,536
See, going to the bank is like
going to a loan shark.
296
00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:33,331
Only difference is,
you get a chance to sit down.
297
00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:35,541
I'm not sure I
know what you mean.
298
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,752
See, baby,
299
00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:39,087
the money
that you put in the bank,
300
00:10:39,163 --> 00:10:41,047
they're going to lend
to a sucker, okay?
301
00:10:41,124 --> 00:10:43,091
They're going
to charge him interest.
302
00:10:43,167 --> 00:10:45,051
And the money
that that sucker pays back,
303
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:46,844
you're going
to get a tiny, tiny piece
304
00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:48,429
of the money that the bank made,
305
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,056
by lending that sucker
your money.
306
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:53,434
But doesn't that
make me a sucker?
307
00:10:53,511 --> 00:10:55,436
You're a bright girl, Nessa.
308
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:58,356
Lollipop.
309
00:10:58,433 --> 00:10:59,524
(slurps)
Whoo-whoo!
310
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,159
(laughs)
311
00:11:02,437 --> 00:11:04,287
This is some bull.
312
00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:07,949
Well, boys and girls,
313
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,493
the candy drive
was a huge success...
314
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,955
but now it is time
to announce the winner:
315
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,041
(class gasping)
the person who sold
the most candy
316
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,794
and is going to get
the new BMX bike,
317
00:11:19,871 --> 00:11:22,380
and that person is...
318
00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:23,848
Jordan Tompkins!
319
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,551
Whoa!
(class cheering)
320
00:11:26,627 --> 00:11:27,844
I won!
(game show music playing)
321
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,979
Well, no, I couldn't...
322
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,022
(laughs)
323
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,642
(laughing)
324
00:11:34,719 --> 00:11:36,820
Thank you! Thank you!
325
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,522
And Jordan, not only
did you win the contest,
326
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:42,492
but you've also been named
King of the School.
327
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:43,410
(laughing)
328
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,332
Oh...
329
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:52,368
FAMILY:
My Lord.
330
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,045
Arise, my family.
331
00:11:55,239 --> 00:11:57,090
Actually, Uncle Bernie,
you stay down.
332
00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:58,383
What?
(cackling)
333
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,179
It's great to be king.
334
00:12:07,251 --> 00:12:09,677
(sighs)
I got to stop eating
this chocolate.
335
00:12:09,754 --> 00:12:12,021
It gives me really weird dreams.
336
00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:15,308
BRYANA:
Am I in trouble?
337
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:17,351
WANDA: All I know
is Uncle Bernie
wants to see you
338
00:12:17,428 --> 00:12:18,445
right away.
339
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,614
Okay.
340
00:12:21,691 --> 00:12:24,066
Open your eyes.
341
00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:25,985
Droobie!
WANDA: Hello, Droobie,
342
00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:27,370
I'm Wanda. Nice
to meet you.
343
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:30,473
(all chuckling)
344
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,450
I wanted Droobie to come by
so that you could see,
345
00:12:32,527 --> 00:12:35,870
baby girl, that we're still
good friends, right, Droobie?
346
00:12:35,947 --> 00:12:39,373
I think Droobie likes
your Uncle Bernie
an awful lot.
347
00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:41,375
So you're not mad
at Uncle Bernie
348
00:12:41,452 --> 00:12:42,635
for being mean to you?
349
00:12:42,712 --> 00:12:45,004
No, no. He's not mad,
350
00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:47,182
and all that stuff
you saw in the movie...
351
00:12:47,258 --> 00:12:48,800
just make-believe.
352
00:12:48,876 --> 00:12:51,219
That's acting.
That's my job.
It's not real.
353
00:12:51,295 --> 00:12:52,771
So, do you understand
that now, sweetie?
354
00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:54,856
Yes.
Good.
355
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,234
Oh.
356
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:04,232
BERNIE:
Hey, Wanda?
357
00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:05,900
Hmm?
The way he dance...
358
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,568
He dance kind of,
sort of...?
359
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,237
Mm-hmm.
360
00:13:09,313 --> 00:13:10,413
(inaudible)
Mm-hmm.
361
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,577
Who is that?
I don't know.
362
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,845
I thank you so much, man.
363
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,547
Let me help you.
(grunting)
No problem.
364
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:20,915
(pants)
365
00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:22,792
Told you he was white.
366
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,043
Hey, Bernie, man,
Huh?
367
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,628
you mind helping me
out of this thing?
368
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,055
No, no, man, no
problem, no problem.
369
00:13:27,131 --> 00:13:28,965
I really need a smoke,
but one spark,
370
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,218
and this thing'll go up
like a freaking torch.
(laughing)
371
00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:34,637
Hey, Jerry tell me, man,
you're doing so well
in this thing, huh?
372
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,764
Who knew? I mean,
six months ago,
373
00:13:36,841 --> 00:13:38,766
I was delivering
bottled water,
374
00:13:38,843 --> 00:13:40,268
and now I'm one
of the top ten
375
00:13:40,344 --> 00:13:42,270
recognizable
cartoon characters
in the world.
376
00:13:42,346 --> 00:13:44,772
(chuckling)
It-it is nuts.
Wow, you don't say?
377
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:46,774
Yeah, oh, and you
want to hear
the weird thing?
378
00:13:46,851 --> 00:13:48,776
Mm-hmm.
The women, man.
379
00:13:48,853 --> 00:13:51,112
The women.
I meet so many women now,
380
00:13:51,188 --> 00:13:53,781
What?
and I can't tell you who,
381
00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:56,200
but one of 'em
actually wanted me
382
00:13:56,277 --> 00:13:59,128
to leave the costume on
when we... you know.
383
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:02,081
No...
No, I was like, "Damn!"
384
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:03,583
(laughing)
385
00:14:03,659 --> 00:14:04,917
Who-who was it?
386
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:06,836
All right, it...
it was Christina Applegate.
387
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:08,713
I figured. I... Mm-hmm.
388
00:14:08,789 --> 00:14:11,924
And the money... Now, I mean,
the money is, like, ridiculous.
389
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:13,926
Mm-hmm.
This dragon is a cash cow.
390
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:16,470
Well, look here,
I'm going to help you
carry this stuff to the car.
391
00:14:16,547 --> 00:14:18,723
Can you tell me some more?
Yeah, yeah, sure,
that's perfect, man,
392
00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:20,057
'cause I've really got to motor.
393
00:14:20,134 --> 00:14:21,893
I've got a Pilates class
at 4:30.
394
00:14:21,969 --> 00:14:23,060
Is that right?
Yeah.
395
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:24,729
The black women
into this stuff?
396
00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:26,355
(grunting)
397
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,357
Get the tail in there.
398
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,534
(grunting)
399
00:14:30,895 --> 00:14:33,946
Get your head in there!
400
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:36,282
You killed him!
You killed Droobie!
401
00:14:36,359 --> 00:14:38,868
Baby girl,
it's not the way it looks.
402
00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:40,420
Aunt Wanda, help!
403
00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:46,751
America, I ain't
no Droobie killer,
404
00:14:46,827 --> 00:14:49,170
and I can't have baby girl
thinking I am.
405
00:14:49,246 --> 00:14:50,838
I need to get Droobie back here,
406
00:14:50,915 --> 00:14:53,007
so I got my man Jerry
on the phone setting it up.
407
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,342
Hold on, America.
408
00:14:54,418 --> 00:14:56,344
Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
409
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,179
Say what?
410
00:14:58,255 --> 00:14:59,772
Uh-huh...
411
00:14:59,849 --> 00:15:02,642
Uh-huh.
412
00:15:02,718 --> 00:15:04,193
Okay.
413
00:15:05,596 --> 00:15:06,646
Guess what?
414
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:09,023
Droobie too busy to see me.
415
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,524
Jerry say he's
doing a commercial
416
00:15:10,601 --> 00:15:12,293
and his schedule's real tight.
417
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:15,196
Oh, I see. Man walking around
in a fur suit and a giant head
418
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,031
ain't got no time
for Bernie Mac?
419
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,867
Well, that's okay, 'cause
if Droobie won't come to me,
420
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:21,336
then I got to go
to Droobie, y'all.
421
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,038
Hey, baby girl,
don't you want
422
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,840
to ride up front with
your Uncle Bernie?
423
00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:28,259
Droobie Killer.
424
00:15:29,921 --> 00:15:32,096
Well, you want
to stay single,
don't you?
425
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,384
JORDAN:
Hi, Father.
426
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:37,894
How are you doing today?
427
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,012
Who are you?
428
00:15:40,089 --> 00:15:41,940
Who am I isn't important.
429
00:15:42,016 --> 00:15:44,943
The thing is I
have this friend.
430
00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,019
So, tell me about this friend.
431
00:15:47,096 --> 00:15:49,939
He was selling candy
for the candy drive,
432
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,400
and it hasn't
been going too good.
433
00:15:52,476 --> 00:15:53,943
There is no sin in that.
434
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:57,238
Yeah, but he got
sort of frustrated,
435
00:15:57,248 --> 00:16:00,458
and he sort of
ate more candy than he sold.
436
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,086
How much more?
437
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,412
A lot.
438
00:16:04,488 --> 00:16:07,164
He doesn't really
have any money of his own,
439
00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:10,835
so he was just wondering
how big of a deal it would be
440
00:16:10,911 --> 00:16:13,921
if he kind of didn't pay
you guys back?
441
00:16:13,998 --> 00:16:16,632
Are you telling me
your friend plans to steal
442
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,092
from the Holy Church?
443
00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:20,561
Yeah, if it wouldn't
be a big deal.
444
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:26,600
Well, my little plastic man,
I'd tell your friend
445
00:16:26,677 --> 00:16:29,437
that as bad as his punishment
would be in this world
446
00:16:29,513 --> 00:16:31,605
for the abomination
he has committed,
447
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,942
it would be nothing compared
to that which would wait for him
448
00:16:35,019 --> 00:16:36,527
in the hereafter,
449
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:40,614
doomed to spend
his eternity
450
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,450
in the fiery depths of hell
451
00:16:42,526 --> 00:16:46,254
wherein he would wail
and gnash his teeth.
452
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:50,216
Uh, I'm sorry,
what was that last part again?
453
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:55,713
Wherein he would wail
and gnash his teeth.
454
00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:56,973
(sighs)
455
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,560
That doesn't sound good.
(sniffles)
456
00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:02,520
Candy bar?
No.
457
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:04,063
Candy?
458
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,925
We sell this candy
to make money
459
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:10,394
to support after
school programs for
underprivileged kids.
460
00:17:10,471 --> 00:17:12,396
These programs keep us
off the streets,
461
00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:14,282
out of gangs,
and away from drugs.
462
00:17:14,358 --> 00:17:16,650
Ten dollars.
463
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:17,577
Thank you very much.
464
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,738
Hmm.
465
00:17:20,815 --> 00:17:22,457
(cackling)
466
00:17:22,533 --> 00:17:24,325
(bell rings)
You've got to be extra
quiet, baby girl,
467
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:25,993
while they
rehearse, okay?
468
00:17:26,070 --> 00:17:27,495
Run, Droobie!
469
00:17:27,571 --> 00:17:29,163
My Uncle Bernie's
going to kill you again.
470
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,049
DROOBIE:
Hey, hey, hey,
471
00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:34,001
hey, hey, hey, what the hell
is going on here, people?
472
00:17:34,078 --> 00:17:37,004
I am trying
to work here, okay,
473
00:17:37,081 --> 00:17:41,142
and it gets hot inside
this stinking Droobie head!
474
00:17:42,253 --> 00:17:45,012
Oh. Hey, there, Bryana.
475
00:17:45,089 --> 00:17:47,190
You're Droobie?
476
00:17:51,428 --> 00:17:53,938
...So by selling
these candy bars,
477
00:17:54,014 --> 00:17:55,773
I'm hoping to avoid
a dead-end life
478
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,191
of drugs and violence.
479
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,442
How much are they?
480
00:17:58,519 --> 00:17:59,494
Four dollars.
481
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:01,153
Okay, I'll take one.
482
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:02,580
Great, 'cause that's all
I got left.
483
00:18:06,902 --> 00:18:08,661
Hey, how come it
says two dollars?
484
00:18:08,737 --> 00:18:09,862
Oh, that's a misprint.
485
00:18:09,939 --> 00:18:11,831
Being underprivileged,
we can't afford to buy
486
00:18:11,907 --> 00:18:13,290
the really nice
candy wrappers.
487
00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:15,668
These were wrapped
in China.
488
00:18:15,744 --> 00:18:16,677
Have a nice day.
489
00:18:17,788 --> 00:18:19,472
(chuckling)
490
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:21,474
Why you working
our side of the street?
491
00:18:21,551 --> 00:18:24,635
Who, me? No,
I was just going home.
492
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,521
You aren't going anywhere,
four eyes. Hand over the money.
493
00:18:26,597 --> 00:18:28,472
But... how 'bout
we just head over
494
00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,024
to one of those
after-school programs
495
00:18:30,101 --> 00:18:31,892
that keep you
off the street,
496
00:18:31,969 --> 00:18:33,894
and out of gangs,
and away from drugs?
497
00:18:33,971 --> 00:18:36,230
What size sneaker
do you wear?
498
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,241
Why?
499
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:40,484
WANDA:
They stole your shoes?
500
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,027
And all my money.
501
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,823
Well, sweetie,
it's an unfortunate lesson,
502
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,909
but what made you think
you could sell candy to people
503
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,077
for double its cost?
504
00:18:50,154 --> 00:18:52,755
I had to make up
for what I ate.
505
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,415
Father Cronin
said if I didn't,
506
00:18:54,491 --> 00:18:56,917
I was going to go
to the fiery pits of hell,
507
00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,753
and I'd wail
and gnash my teeth.
508
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:03,266
Well, I think he just
said that to scare you.
509
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:05,926
But why take the chance?
510
00:19:06,003 --> 00:19:08,396
(sigh)
511
00:19:08,472 --> 00:19:11,098
I'm going to sell
my Avenger Number 18
512
00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:13,809
to pay back the school.
513
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,236
Okay, I'll go get my keys.
514
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:17,271
(sighs)
515
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:22,577
You want me to
write you a check?
516
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,487
Would you?
Yeah.
517
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,532
You could pay me back...
with interest.
518
00:19:28,609 --> 00:19:30,618
You're going to make
me pay interest?
519
00:19:30,694 --> 00:19:32,036
But I'm your brother.
520
00:19:32,112 --> 00:19:34,088
Let me break it down,
Jordan.
521
00:19:34,165 --> 00:19:36,757
I'm the bank,
and you're the sucker.
522
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,001
Here.
523
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,753
That's crazy.
524
00:19:40,829 --> 00:19:41,962
Not for me.
525
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:43,181
But, with my allowance,
526
00:19:43,257 --> 00:19:45,090
it'll take me a thousand years
to pay you back.
527
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:47,968
Then sell your comic book.
528
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:50,304
You're evil.
529
00:19:50,381 --> 00:19:51,898
No, I'm a capitalist.
530
00:19:54,343 --> 00:19:55,651
(bell ringing)
531
00:20:03,727 --> 00:20:05,819
Uncle Bernie?
Hmm?
532
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:07,330
Droobie isn't
real, is he?
533
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,626
No, baby girl, he isn't...
534
00:20:11,702 --> 00:20:15,329
but the love you have for him
is never going to change
no matter what,
535
00:20:15,406 --> 00:20:17,581
just like the love
your Uncle Bernie has for you
536
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:19,833
is never going
to change.
What about Santa Clause,
537
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:22,711
and the Tooth Fairy,
and the Easter Bunny?
538
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:23,846
Are they not real, too?
539
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:29,176
Sweetheart, they're as real
as you want them to be
540
00:20:29,253 --> 00:20:32,230
right inside here.
You understand?
Yes.
541
00:20:32,306 --> 00:20:34,398
Give me some ice cream.
542
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,518
(laughs)
543
00:20:37,594 --> 00:20:40,655
Kids grow up in ways
you can't plan on, America.
544
00:20:40,731 --> 00:20:43,190
Little Dorothy--
she pulled that curtain,
545
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:44,858
and see-- there's no wizard.
546
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,360
It's just a man.
547
00:20:46,437 --> 00:20:49,738
She grows up right there,
right in front of your eyes.
548
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,874
A tiny bit of the little girl
she used to be
549
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,076
kind of fades away.
550
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:55,536
Bryana's growing up.
551
00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:57,788
There ain't no denying that.
552
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,790
Won't be long
before she's out of the house,
553
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:00,791
off to college.
554
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,626
Her room will be empty.
555
00:21:02,703 --> 00:21:04,295
All that space.
556
00:21:04,371 --> 00:21:06,889
I don't know
how I'm going to fill it.
557
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,059
Pool table.
558
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:11,802
Sweet.
559
00:21:11,879 --> 00:21:13,980
Regulation size.
560
00:21:15,466 --> 00:21:17,984
That's corner pocket.
561
00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:25,107
Twine time.
562
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:27,067
James Brown.
563
00:21:27,144 --> 00:21:28,902
Boogaloo.
564
00:21:28,979 --> 00:21:30,904
Do the splits.
565
00:21:30,981 --> 00:21:34,834
Ladies and gentlemen,
Droobie might be mixed.
566
00:21:35,986 --> 00:21:38,587
Trying to give me some tail.
567
00:21:42,117 --> 00:21:43,876
Back in the day...
568
00:21:43,952 --> 00:21:45,336
(laughter)
569
00:21:45,412 --> 00:21:47,171
MAN:
Still rolling.
570
00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,715
Don't... Still...
still rolling.
One more time.
571
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:52,059
Uh, I'm sorry, we're out.
(beep)
572
00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,103
Captioned by VISUAL DATA